Remember Me (Sequel to Save Me)
by TMNT-Queen
Summary: The brain worm's grip on Mikey's mind is slowly weakening but that triumph only brings more pain for the youngest. Evil is stirring on the astral plane, causing nightmares that never seem to go away - and to top it off, Mikey still has no idea who he really is. Through it all, Shredder is determined to hold on to his favorite weapon, even if it means destroying him in the process.
1. Chapter One: Ronin

_A/N: If you guys are confused about the chapter title, Mikey's currently going by the name Ronin. He's not Shadow anymore, but he's not Mikey, either. He's rather...in between. _

_Eh, it'll be explained later. _

**Chapter One: Ronin**

"We need to talk."

I don't know how I remembered the way here, but here I am, and they're all staring at me like they've seen a ghost. I cross my arms over my plastron uncertainly. My gaze travels from face to weary face.

"We need to talk," I say again.

From the couch, Nisshoku starts to speak. There's a certain hopefulness in her eyes - one that I quickly dash.

"Not you. I just...I can't."

My voice was almost gentle, but she still jerks as if she's been slapped; her gold eyes water and she blinks, looking down at the floor. "Oh. I...I'll just...um..."

Leonardo places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes, but directs his words to me. "We'll go to the kitchen," he says quietly. The others nod and follow him into said room. I run a finger across my wrist, feeling the raised scar underneath, and trail after them.

It looks like a council of war. The three turtles are sitting around the table, waiting for me, but I can't bring myself to sit with them. It's just not right, somehow.

I lean against the counter and fix Leonardo with cool blue eyes. "I wasn't going to come, but Leatherhead told me that I should. He said you would probably be interested to hear what I have to say."

"Which is what?" Donatello asks, leaning forward ever so slightly.

"Your Michelangelo has spoken to me."

Shock and disbelief and hope all ripple through the air, burning in my nostrils. Leonardo's breath catches in his throat and he reaches over to squeeze Raphael's wrist. Donatello swallows and blinks back tears.

"How?" Raphael demands. _Ever the cynic._

"He came to me in a dream, through the astral plain. We had a lengthy conversation that has left me with little doubt that...that..."

I can't say it. Pride and fear keep the words from passing my lips.

And then, for a moment, bright orange and blue flash in my mind. His voice echoes in my ears.

_"__You have to remember who you were - who I am. You have to beat the mind control, Shadow. The brain worm is eating at everything that makes you _you. _It won't stop until you remember."_

I double over, grabbing at my head as if it would ease the agony lancing through my skull. The serum that still courses through my veins is fighting to hold on - and it feels like I'm being ripped apart.

The three brothers are at my side in an instant but I hold a hand out at them. "Don't," I grind out. "Just..."

I can't even finish the sentence. After a few more minutes that stretch into eternity I manage to straighten up and release the death-grip I had on my head. I shakily wipe the sweat from my forehead and release a long breath.

"I need your help."


	2. Chapter Two: Nee

**Chapter Two: Nee**

It's almost an hour before Mikey emerges from the kitchen again - but he heads straight for the turnstiles, not even sparing me a glance.

The rejection hits me hard. Tears fill my eyes again and I manage to drag in a shaky breath as I bury my face in my knees. I knew it would probably be this way. I said myself that it would be better if I just cut ties and moved on. But then why is it so _hard?_

Footsteps alert me to someone else's presence, and I don't have to look up to know who it is. "He hates me, doesn't he?"

Donnie sighs and takes a seat next to me. "I wouldn't say that. He just needs space, is all."

"How much more space, Donnie? He's been gone for freaking _months_, and now that he's back he won't even _look _at me!"

"...he's not in the greatest place right now, Nee." The words come out tense and quiet and force me to meet the watery chocolate gaze. "He's not even Mikey right now."

"What do you mean, he's not Mikey?"

The genius fiddles with the wrappings on his hands. "He's calling himself Ronin."

_Wanderer._ "So...what does that mean?"

"My guess? He's trying to regain his memories, or at least some semblance of them. Either way, he hasn't made it that far yet."

We fall silent for a while as I process this news. I can hear Leo and Raph speaking in the kitchen, but their voices are too low for me to hear. Leo emerges through the doorway and crosses to the dojo, sliding the doors shut after himself. "What did he want to speak to you about?" I ask finally.

Another sigh, and this time Donnie reaches over to take my hand, almost as if he needs reassurance. "He said that Mikey, our Mikey, contacted him through the astral plain last night."

The world shakes on its foundation and I grip the arm of the sofa to keep myself upright. "What? But how...how is that possible?"

"That's what Leo's gone to find out." Raph joins us in the living room with his arms crossed over his plastron. "He figured Dad would know more about this stuff than anyone else. I mean, the only other person who _might _know would be-" He cuts off suddenly, but he doesn't have to finish.

Mikey. Mikey would be the one to ask - after all, from what they've told me, the freckled turtle's spiritual strength far surpasses even Master Splinter's.

It's ironic, really.

A painful sound, like a sob and a laugh all at once, escapes my throat and then I'm crying for real. Raph backs up quickly, mumbling some excuse that doesn't really make sense, and only Donnie remains. He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close, whispering soothing nonsense into my ear until my heavy eyes fall closed and I drift off into an uneasy slumber.

* * *

When my eyes open, I'm walking in a forest. Warm dappled sunlight peeks through the leaves overhead and the soothing trickle of a creek calms my shot nerves. I almost want to lay down and sleep again, but I can't stop moving, no matter how hard I try.

As I trek onward, I can't help but marvel at the beauty of my surroundings. The air is so calm and peaceful here, and every now and then I catch the tinkling noise of something metal high up in the treetops. I draw in a deep lungful of air and find that I can somehow breathe easier than I have in months - years, even.

For a moment, there's a niggling doubt in the back of my mind. _What is this place? How did I get here? _But that doubt is quickly washed away, almost like someone gently rubbed their hands across it until it smoothed out.

The edge of the tree line eventually comes into view and I make my way out of the forest and towards a high cliff. Far below me is a serene lake, glittering and still, and I want to dive right into that water and never come out. Instead, I sprawl out on the green grass and let the wind run over my face.

_"Beautiful, isn't it?"_

The voice is familiar and sends tears to my eyes. Those tears evaporate as quickly as they appeared as the voice's owner sits down beside me and gazes out at the lake. He looks the same as he did before I ran away, except less tired.

As if he hears my thoughts, Mikey smiles, and the warmth of that smile runs right through my veins. _"The astral plane is good at that sort of thing."_

I swallow past the lump in my throat as a breeze blows through my hair and the golden sun beams down at us. "...Mikey, you don't...you don't _hate _me, do you?"

He immediately shakes his head and pins me with those soul-piercing blue eyes. _"I could never hate you," _he says softly.

A massive weight lifts from my shoulders and I close my eyes, leaning into him. "I don't understand," I tell him, and I want to cry, but I don't. The turtle reaches out and squeezes my hand, his smile fading a bit.

_"I know. Stuff like this...it's not easy, but sometimes bad stuff happens so we really appreciate the good stuff."_

"Yeah, but you actually _lost _yourself-"

At my words, a tremor runs through him. There's a cracking sound in the distance and I look over to see a section of trees that I hadn't noticed until now. There's five of them, maybe, all black with decay, and as I watch, they crack in half and fall. Mikey winces and some of the brightness leaves his eyes.

"Mikey, what is that?" He doesn't seem to hear me; he's mumbling something under his breath and a thin sweat has broken out across his forehead. "Mikey?"

His gaze snaps to mine and he stands abruptly, hauling me to my feet. _"We need to get you back home."_

"What do you mean, _back home_? What is-"

_"You'll learn more later. It's not safe for you here right now."_

"What? Why not?"

A sound unlike anything I've ever heard before cuts through the air behind me and I whip around to see a small pack of wolves emerge from the forest. Their eyes are red and their fangs glistening with something that looks like blood.

"Um, Mikey? What the hell are those things?"

I feel a spike of fear from the orange-banded ninja. _"They're like the Dream Beavers, except-"_

"Dream Beavers?"

Mikey shakes his head. _"Long story. Basically, these things are dangerous and you can really get hurt."_

"Okay, so what do they want with us?"

_"Not us. Me." _He pauses. Takes a shaky breath. _"They want my...well, my soul, really."_


	3. Chapter Three: Nee

_A/N: I know that usually I switch between points of view for even and odd chapters, but this one needs to come next. Trust me._

Also_ if you guys could say a prayer for me or something I'd really appreciate it. I'm going through some major ish right now and I haven't felt this down/alone in a long time._

**Chapter**** Three: Nee**

"_What do they want?"_

_"They want...well...they want my soul."_

* * *

I stare at Mikey as the world freezes around us. "They _what?"_

_"Sensei can tell you better than I can." _The world speeds up again and the wolves advance on us slowly, snarling. The orange-banded turtle pushes me behind him. _"You need to jump."_

"Ex_cuse _me? I'll hit the ground and die!"

_"You're in the astral plane! You're not gonna die! Well, unless they get you." _The wolves snap at us as if on cue. Mikey reaches into his belt and withdraws his nunchucks. _"You'll wake up in the real world, Nee. Trust me."_

"But what about you?"

_"I've been in worse situations." _He offers a cheeky grin that doesn't quite reach his eyes. _"I'll see you again soon. Now jump!"_

Before I can make my decision, the wolves charge us. Mikey presses a hand into my chest and _shoves. _

And then I'm falling.

* * *

I wake up screaming, eyes wild with terror, heartbeat pounding in my ears. The lab door bursts open and Donnie rushes in with the others not far behind. "What's wrong?" he asks frantically.

I barely manage to respond, but the words slip out of my mouth somehow. "Wolves. Wolves...Sensei. Have to..." I can't breathe. I can't _breathe_. My vision tunnels and I sway in my seat. Strong arms latch around me and keep me upright, and then Donnie is looking me right in the face, murmuring something I can't make out past the roaring in my ears.

Something cool is placed on the back of my neck and I close my eyes and lean into it. The roar gradually fades to a normal level and I hear Donnie's instructions of "Breathe, Nee. Take it slow. You're okay. Just take a deep breath."

I peel my eyelids open again and meet his gaze, drawing in a shaky breath. "I need...I need to talk to Master Splinter."

Leo and Raph stiffen, Leo quietly voicing a question of "Why?"

"Mikey's in trouble," I tell them, my voice stronger now. "And Splinter may be the only one who can help."

* * *

The old mutant pales when I tell him what I experienced. His hands shake a little and he folds them carefully on top of his walking stick. "You are certain of this?"

"Hai, Sensei. They were...they were like nothing I've ever seen before."

Splinter suddenly looks far older than he did a few minutes ago. He raises his head and calls out into the main room for the others. Leo enters the room with Don and Raph hot on his heels; all three of them look worried about what their father will say.

"Your brother is in grave danger, my sons."

Donnie's brow furrows. "We just spoke to him, Sensei, and he seemed fine-"

"His body is fine, Donatello, but not his soul."

The room falls silent for a long moment as the turtles try and process this information. Leo is the first to realize what it means; every ounce of blood drains from his face and he grabs Raph's shoulder to keep from falling to his knees. "No," he whispers. "No, no..."

Raph turns a worried gaze to his leader. "Leo?"

"The...it's the brain worm, isn't it?"

"Yes and no," I respond softly. "The worm still has a hold on Mikey's mind, but there's something else going on. Something darker." I glance at Donnie and Raph, who are both staring at me with unreadable expressions. "When I went under, Mikey spoke to me, but our conversation was interrupted."

Donnie, ever the curious one, leans forward. "By what?"

"Wolves." Leonardo swallows. "I had a nightmare last night about wolves chasing him. Their eyes...their eyes glowed red."

A sudden breeze sweeps over the room and the flames on Splinter's candles flicker briefly. The rat's ears pin flat against his head; his sons hold their breath as the air thickens and chills. After a moment the feeling passes. Raph is the first to speak.

"What the hell was that?"

Leo blinks, seeming to rouse himself before reaching over to touch me on my shoulder, and I too snap back into reality.

"This is bad," I whisper. "Sensei-"

He nods grimly before I can even finish my thought. "Okami_,_" he says in reply.

Donnie flounders for a minute, lost in thought. "But Sensei, I thought the okami were good spirits?"

"Evidently, my son, something has happened to shift the delicate balance. You four must go. Save Michelangelo before it is too late."

**A/N: Okami are wolf spirits in Japanese mythology.**


	4. Chapter Four: Ronin

**Chapter Four: Ronin**

One thing I picked up on quickly is that in the sewers, it's almost impossible to tell if time is passing or not.

I've been laying here in bed for what seems like hours before I hear the front door open. Leatherhead pads into the room and takes a seat on the floor across from me; I can almost visualize the look on his face as he goes through his latest scavenging haul.

Finally, I can't take it anymore, and I break the relative silence. "Who was she to hi- to me?"

He says nothing, so I roll over and face him. "The girl with the golden eyes, Leatherhead. Who was she to me?"

"A friend," he responds quietly. I can feel the truth in his words. "You saved her from the Shredder many, many months ago. Leonardo has told me that the two of you were incredibly close, that your shared experiences made you nearly inseparable."

_Well, that answers that question at least. _"Why? What merit did she possess?"

The massive crocodile stares at me, expression unreadable. "That is a question for no one but yourself."

I scowl, about to press the matter further, when it occurs to me that he means _Michelangelo_. "A trip to the Astral Plane?"

"It is the quickest way to find the answers you seek."

If I had ears, they would be burning with shame. I refrain from admitting that I don't know how to reach the Astral Plane, and that even if I did I probably wouldn't be able to find my counterpart.

_You could always ask for help, _the small, hopeful part of me whispers.

The only person to ask would probably be Leonardo - and for some reason, I simply can't see him offering to help me.

No, I'm on my own...unless-

The tiniest seed of a thought starts growing in my mind, quickly blooming into hope despite my best efforts to keep it smothered. There is another who can help. Speaking with him only requires sneaking into the home of those who love and hate me the most right now.

* * *

The walk back to the Lair is uneventful and gives me far too much time to think. My current dilemma swirls through my mind, constantly eating at me.

_Shadow or Mikey? Good or bad, bad or good?_

All at once, it feels like the weight of the world rests solely on my shoulders, and I want to cry under the pressure.

If I lose Michelangelo, then I become a heartless assassin forever - or at least until Shredder tires of me. But if I become Michelangelo again, I have to face all of the horrible things that I've done.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that.

I quickly banish the thought as I come within sight of the Lair's entrance. Now is not the time for sentiment, but for action.

Lucky for me, I don't have to put my rusty ninja skills to good use, because the turtles and their golden-eyed friend seem to be in the kitchen discussing something of great importance - that is, if the raised voices and panicked tones are anything to go by. I briefly consider listening in, and then decide it's better if I just go ahead and get my own conversation over with.

I slip into the dojo, thanking the stars above that they left the doors open, and quickly locate my target; he's kneeling under the soaring cherry tree, eyes closed and nose twitching at the stick of incense burning next to him.

He looks old - much older, I think, than he should.

"Master Splinter?"

The rat's ears flick but he does not open his eyes. "Come and sit with me, my child."

The name should make me bristle, but there's some long-buried part of me that warms at being called his child. "You don't seem surprised to see me," I comment as I kneel beside him.

Those mahogany eyes open and I'm startled to see a twinkle there. "I had a feeling that you would come to me. I am assuming that you desire assistance in reaching the Astral Plane?"

"How did you-"

He smiles at me, warmly. "I am many things, Ronin, but oblivious is not one of them." Splinter's smile fades a little bit as his gaze grows serious. "I must warn you that there is something occurring in the Astral Plane that none of us here know how to handle. Nisshoku managed to gain contact with Michelangelo and discovered that his very soul was in peril. I do not know what you might be entering into...but I do know that you may be able to help."

That last bit throws me for a loop; I gape at him, eyes widening in surprise. "Me? What can I do?"

"You will know when the time comes," is all the aged rat says in reply. "Come, let us get you to your destination."

I sit up and ready myself, steadying my breathing as Splinter guides me, and suddenly I'm sinking deeper and deeper into oblivion.

* * *

_"-ly shit, dude! Are you okay?"_

"Mmh...what time is it?"

_"Um...hammer time? I dunno, I don't carry a watch."_

My eyelids snap open and I come face-to-face with my orange-banded counterpart - who, for the record, looks much, much worse than the last time I saw him. His bandana is ragged and stained, scrapes litter his already-scarred green skin, and there's an ugly purple bruise blooming across his right cheek.

"You look like crap," I inform him bluntly as I sit up, shaking my head to clear it. He remains silent as I take in my surroundings: a circular-shaped room covered in black-and-white checkerboard, the edges of the floor extending into darkness. "Where are we?"

Mikey shifts uneasily, glancing around as if to make sure the coast is clear. _"We're in my mind palace right now. Well, my Astral Plane mind palace. Basically, it's **like **my mind palace but on the Astral P-"_

"I get it. Why are we in your mind palace?"

I finally see it - the hard glint of fear in his crystalline eyes. His hands find his nunchucks and finger them almost as if by reflex alone. _"I don't know if you've spoken to the others, but I'm - **we're **\- kind of under attack right now."_

My brow furrows. "They didn't say much, but Splinter mentioned something about your soul being in trouble. Is that what you're talki-"

A howl rips through the air and every ounce of blood drains from Michelangelo's already-pale face. He drops into a defensive crouch and pulls out his weapons as his eyes turn white. _"Don't suppose you brought your nunchucks?"_

"I...might have tossed them over a waterfall."

_"Great. Conjure a weapon up really quick, would you?"_

I would if I knew how. "Why?"

He nods at the space behind me and a chill runs down my spine; I turn around slowly and my stomach drops like a rock. There's a pack of massive wolves advancing on us. And they look hungry.

I grit my teeth and hold up my fists, wishing that I had more training for this sort of thing. "Well, this should be interesting."


	5. Chapter Five: Nee

**Chapter Five: Nee**

After a long hour and a half, the four of us finally manage to put together a mostly-complete plan of action. Leo glances around at our small group - Raphael by the fridge with his arms crossed, Donatello seated at the table with his mahogany eyes unreadable, and me, leaning against the stove for support while a wan look plays on my face.

"You have thirty minutes to prepare yourself," the blue-banded turtle says quietly. "We'll meet in the dojo directly at six o'clock."

It's as if a spell has been broken. Each of us heads off to our own spaces, presumably to gain some semblance of mental order before we go off into the unknown. Raph and Donnie head for the lab and garage, while I make a beeline for the safest place I can think of.

Mikey's room.

It's not much, honestly, and I know it's_ just a room_, but it's the last space where I can truly connect with the person I'd consider to be my best friend.

The sudden realization shakes me to my core. Mikey is - or was - my best friend, and this may be the only shot at getting him back.

I quickly decide to brush off the impending wave of despair and focus on breathing instead. My hand touches the cool metal of his door and I take another deep breath before opening it.

I'm instantly engulfed by _him _\- his smell, like paint and oranges and summer rain, and the overall feeling of warmth and peace that a person gets just by being around him.

_"Sometimes bad stuff like this happens so we really appreciate the good stuff."_

My eyes tear up and I blink rapidly to clear them. A wet laugh slips from my throat. Even when he's not really here, he knows exactly what to say.

Before I know it, it's five minutes to six. I force my tired body up from the bed and slowly make my way towards the dojo.

Only to stop short at what I see.

Inside the sacred room, settled underneath the soaring tree, deep in a meditative trace, is Ronin. Beside him kneels Master Splinter; the latter is _not_ in a trance, and he spares me a small, warm smile.

"Sensei, what-"

Splinter holds up a hand to silence my question. "All will be explained. Come, have a seat. The others will be along shortly."

"I don't understand," I tell him honestly as I kneel beside him. "How did... what is Ronin doing here?"

The rat just smiles again and presses something into my hands, then places a gentle thumb on my forehead. "You will discover the answer to that soon enough." A sudden pressure in my head makes me wince, but before I can say anything, I'm falling...

The last thing I see before darkness claims me is the wise glittering of Splinter's gaze.

Then nothing.


	6. Chapter Six: Ronin

_A/N: Warning for a couple cuss words in this chapter - nothing major. _

**Chapter Six: Ronin**

I spit out a mouthful of blood and grimace as it splatters against the checkerboard floor - not that it makes much of a difference. At this point the black and white tiles are already smeared with precious red liquid, and if I'm being honest with myself, I'm surprised that Mikey and I have lasted this long.

We've put up a pretty decent fight, especially considering the shape we're in and the fact that we're down to only one nunchuck between the two of us. Our opponents are bruised and bleeding lightly, but as I watch, their wounds begin to heal before my eyes. _Regeneration? No fair!_

As the wolves advance on us once again, I place myself between them and my almost-unconscious counterpart. "We gotta go," I snap, hauling him to his feet. He grunts in protest and sags against me as if that little noise took all the strength he had left.

"Nowhere to go," Mikey mumbles. "This is th'end of th' line."

"Like hell it is. C'mon, think. Conjure up a place, a room, stairs, anything."

Now it's his turn to grimace; he grits his teeth and a door appears out of nowhere, a spotlight shining down weakly upon it.

I stare at the thing in a mixture of disbelief and borderline hysteria. The door is barely two feet tall by one foot wide, and it's badly listing, like someone smashed the center of it in. "You're kidding, right? How are we supposed to fit through there?!"

"Trust me," he slurs, and wrenches out of my grip to stagger to the door. I glance between him and the wolves, who - to my surprise - are watching all of this play out from about fifteen yards away.

Not daring to look a gift horse in the mouth, I hurry after Michelangelo. He reaches out, grasps the doorknob firmly - and recoils in pain. Lightning arcs across his unprotected skin and sends him shooting backwards, away from me. Towards _them_.

My heart drops into my stomach as the wolves crouch, readying themselves for the kill. I'm too far away - I'll never make it in time. A cry of desperation rips from my throat and I reach out, knowing it's in vain.

Michelangelo is going to die, and Shadow will be all that's left.

And then there's a flash of light, a sound like thunder, and a voice, screaming.

_"Get away from them!"_

My eyes widen and my jaw drops and laughter - helpless, delirious laughter - escapes my mouth. Because standing between the hunters and their prey is a very familiar kunoichi. And she looks pissed.

Somewhere deep down, I register the fact that Nee had said _"them"_ and not _"him"_ \- she's here to save me, too, somehow.

But now's not the time to wonder. The girl calls over to me, sharply, and I snap to action. A few precious seconds and I'm by her side, hauling Michelangelo up as my newfound ally keeps the wolves at bay.

"The door wouldn't open," I gasp out as I lift Michelangelo up in a fireman's carry, wincing as my injured body protests. It's definitely not the most comfortable position, but it'll do for now - at least until we can get somewhere even remotely safer.

"Try again," Nee orders.

"But I'm not-" The rest of the sentence lodges in my throat. I can't say it - I _won't _say it.

She spares me a glance; those golden eyes soften for a brief moment like she knows exactly what I'm thinking. "It'll work for you. Trust me."

I hesitate for only a second before nodding. My fingers tremble as I reach for the door, and I tell myself that it's because of fatigue and blood loss.

When I brush the cool metal knob, I expect a shock just like before - but nothing happens. "Huh," I mumble distractedly, half-smiling while I open the door. _Maybe I'm not too far gone_.

Michelangelo groans from his position on my shoulders and mumbles something too quiet for me to make out.

"What was that?" Nee asks, stepping forward just a little.

He lifts his bruised face enough to look her in the eye. "This's gonna suck," he slurs again. It's all the warning we have before the door slams open fully and sucks us all inside. The last thing I see is the wolves glaring at me with hateful red eyes. Then everything goes black.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it took so frikkin long for me to update this, guys. I just could not find the plot bunny to carry the story forward - but it somehow appeared in the past couple of days, so here we are. **

**Please review! **


	7. Chapter Seven: Nee

**Chapter 7: Nee**

The gentle lapping of water at my ankle is what wakes me.

A groan spills from my lips and I slowly peel back my eyelids, wincing at the bright light that assaults my sensitive vision. The ringing in my ears fades to a dull whine as I make sure I'm all in one piece before gingerly sitting up.

It takes a moment to realize that we landed on the shore of the lake I'd seen on my last visit. The water is even bluer at close range - it looks like the blue of Mikey's eyes when he smiles - and if I stare hard enough I swear I can see right down to the bottom.

There's a slight noise behind me and my gaze shifts from the water, to the sandy beach, to Mikey's still form.

He looks a bit better now than he did earlier. The bruises on his face are faded, and the gashes on his arms and legs aren't quite as deep or bloody. Judging by the beating he took, he'll be out for quite a while. I just hope the cavalry arrives before our enemies do.

Next to him, Ronin moans just a little and closes his eyes tighter, burrowing down into the warm sand.

A sad smile crosses my lips and I stand shakily, moving over to them both. "Rest now," I whisper. "I've got you."

* * *

By the time Ronin is semi-conscious, night has almost fallen and I've got quite a merry little fire going.

He takes a breath to steady himself before sitting upright. When he's gotten his bearings, he fixes an uncertain gaze on me. "Hi."

"Hi." I smile at him in an attempt to put him more at ease, but it doesn't seem to help - if anything, the uncertainty on his face grows. "You okay?"

It's a long moment before he replies, but when he does, it's not what I'm expecting. "You said 'them,'" the maskless turtle whispers, in a voice almost too quiet for me to hear. Almost.

"What?"

Those eyes drop to his feet and he wraps his arms around himself. "Earlier, with the wolves, you said get away from them, not get away from him."

I cock my head. "...I guess I did. Why?"

"You care about me. About saving me, I mean. Don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Why?" The question pops out of his mouth and he looks surprised at himself - maybe he didn't mean to say it, or maybe he meant to phrase it differently, but either way, there it is. "I'm not a good person, dammit. I've hurt people, _killed_ people, even-"

My brow furrows. "So have I. Are you saying that you don't deserve redemption?"

He shakes his head, frustrated. "I don't."

"Why not?"

"I'm_ messed up_, that's why not! I'm screwed in the head, and I've got a thousand different things going on in my brain, but it doesn't _matter_, you shouldn't have _saved_ me, you shouldn't have _wanted_ to save me!"

"Why not?" I ask again, harsher this time. A chill runs down my spine; his words are far too similar to the reasons I gave Michelangelo so very long ago.

_"I don't understand why you've done all this for me. Why you took me in and stitched me up. I don't...I don't deserve any of this. I've done too many terrible things in my lifetime to be forgiven. I'm so **broken**, Mikey."_

Ronin falls silent for a long, long moment. When he speaks again, he looks up at me and I can read the heartbreak on his face, pure and simple and open.

"Because I'm not him."

The quiet admittance steals all of the air from my lungs, and by the looks of things, it steals all of Ronin's strength, too. His shoulders sag and his fist curls in the sand as he huffs a laugh.

"I'm not him, and I'm pretty sure I'll never be him again. Hell, he's _dying_, and there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it." A few tears trail down his cheeks, gleaming in the firelight, and he doesn't wipe them away. "If we don't win this war, Michelangelo is going to die, and Shadow will take over my mind again. I'll be damned if I let that happen - I'll die before I let Shredder use me again - but there's not really a light at the end of the tunnel for me. It's death either way."

"Don't say that-"

"Unless some miracle happens and we get backup, we're going to lose. We can't take those wolves down by ourselves. I'm too injured, and Michelangelo is a total liability right now, which leaves you to fight by yourself. And while I have no doubt that you can handle yourself in combat, combat against those red-eyed demons is an entirely different matter."

It's a solemn dose of reality. I swallow and glance at the fire. "There's still hope." The firmness of my words belies the way he's shaken me to my core, but I say it like I believe it. I have to believe it, otherwise I'm not going to make it. "There's still hope as long as he's still breathing."

"But what if...what if we fail? What if we don't bring him back? What then?"

My gaze shifts to the unconscious turtle nearby. "Then we take it as it comes," I respond, my voice softer now. There's an ache in my throat as I say it, but there's also acceptance. Release. Freedom.

Ronin huffs and shakes his head, laying down with his back to the fire - and to me. Obviously, that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear.

I lay down too, hesitating a moment before finishing my thought. "You know, Ronin is a pretty great guy, too."

He stiffens and sits up again to look at me, but I've already closed my eyes. "...thanks," comes the whispered reply, and the corners of my lips turn upwards.

_There's still hope._

* * *

The night that follows is dismal. Ronin and I take turns keeping watch, while Mikey sleeps on, oblivious to the world around him. By the time dawn comes, I'm able to see what I hadn't noticed a few hours before - half of the pine trees around us are dead and rotting.

We're running out of time.


End file.
